where did the semester go?

This semester has flown by more so than others. I only have 4 more days of classes left and then finals through December 19! It's not much time at all, and I still have so much to do. Here's my list:

• BIOL 117 test 3
• RLST 105 test 5
• THEA 101 research paper (I hate my teacher; she's the devil)
• PSYC 205 research paper and final exam
• Quiz 1 for my international classes that I'm taking in Argentina over winter break
• Meeting 1 for psychology research publishing team
• RLST 105 final exam
• PSYC 212 final exam
• BIOL 117 take-home final exam

Kill me, right? A lot of the work is pointless and annoying and UGH,  but I have to do it to keep my grades where they are. I'm afraid of getting overwhelmed, but this happens to everyone at the end of the semester. College is so hard.

In other news, yesterday evening, I was at Starbucks doing some homework when I got a call from my friend. She is in Purrrfect Pitch, the only a cappella group on my campus, and she told me that a guy quit and they want to fill his spot without holding open auditions. She told them that I was interested, and that they wanted me to come in during their practice last night and audition. SUPER RANDOM. But, I made it! I'm so happy, because I didn't make the group this fall and was really upset about it. It was just the turn of events that I needed to make it through the rest of this semester.

birthgiving

Yesterday was my birthday. I'm 19 now, and this is the first time that my birthday has meant nothing to me. By that, I mean that I feel no different than I did three days/week//months ago. It's kind of depressing that birthdays mean so much less now. I mean, I did get to go out to dinner with a bunch of family friends and to Denny's with my friends. That was fun, but I didn't wake up with a giddy feeling about the day. I got up early, went to work, and had a fairly normal day. I got money, a CD, Prometheus, and an Urban Outfitters gift card, but the day just felt weird. I am grateful, though. I guess birthdays just aren't really a thing anymore. Like, 21 should be a big deal, but with a addition of fake IDs, turning 21 has lost its significance as well.

Thanksgiving was the same way today. It was nice, the food was great, and my whole family was there, but it just felt like a normal day. I think I'm just in this weird growing-up place in my life and I never know how to feel about anything.

On another note, I have to work all day tomorrow, which sucks, but I could use the money to get me through the rest of the semester. I really hope my group of friends can all meet up tomorrow and get drunk somewhere. That's what my life is missing- alcohol.

Moral of the story: GROWING UP IS WEIRD.

psyc club

So I'm currently waiting for Psychology Club to start, and let me tell you about the freaks that are in this room right now. There's a girl who is legitimately using a rolling backpack, a kid who just said, 'You're out of luck if I die," and an extremely buff man who can't even out his arms by his side when he walks- quite the motley crew. And I actually look presentable today, so now I look OUT OF PLACE.

feelin' funky

Things have been weird for me over the past couple of weeks. I've been feeling depressed, anxious, and unhappy. I just don't know what I want or where I want to be. I can't figure myself out, you know? This is posing a serious issue, as you can imagine, not knowing who I am/what I want. There are so many things I wish I could repeat, but I don't know what things exactly or why. It's this weird inner phenomenon that I'm experiencing, and I don't know how to take it. I might be homesick. I really miss my family, my friends, my house, my job, and my stability. Growing up is so tough; everything is this unpredictable whirlwind. Sometimes, I get taken by the thrill of it all. Sometimes, I feel like I can't handle it.

I want to get a hold of where my life is going, but I can't yet because I don't know. What can I do to make these feelings subside? Maybe I'll just wait it out and see what happens. Knowing me, I'll be fine by next week, ready to go out, drink, smoke, socialize, and have the time of my life.

But right now, I feel so lost, confused, alone, and funky.

sandra

Well, this is my second day off due to Hurricane Sandy. Actually, I don't think it's technically a hurricane anymore, but whatever. I've had today and yesterday off from school, with no power loss, so I'm not complaining. I hope everyone affected by the storm is okay though. It's scary. Ocean City is practically destroyed, and that's a place that a lot of Marylanders have gone on vacation for years.

The name of this post is "Sandra" because I drunk-thanked Hurricane "Sandra" on Sunday for not having school on Monday. That's my life for you.

Even though I've had a lot of time off from school, it isn't going to benefit anything for me really. I have a midterm on Thursday, another on Tuesday, a presentation on Thursday, and another presentation next Thursday. I've got my work cut out for me, but I think I can handle it.

I know it's not even November yet, but I'm really excited for Thanksgiving Break. I can't wait to be at home. I miss my family and friends so0o0o0o0o0o0o0o much! Maybe Feeney, Katie, and I can spend a weekend together soon. I miss them the most. We're going to be the closest friends forever.

My room kind of flooded yesterday. My dorm was built in the 70s, and not much has really been done to update them since then, so this storm did some serious damage. Right now, there are maintenance workers in my room trying to get some of the water out of the floor with some giant ass machine. It's actually hilarious. I hope this works because my room is super humid and uncomfortable.

okay so

It's been almost two months since I've last updated my blog. It's not like I'm never on or anything. I get on every day to check my feed. It's not like I don;t have anything to write either, because, let me tell you, my life is a bigger shit show than you can even imagine.

Anyway, my semester is going pretty well other than the fact that I have the most boring classes ~*ever*~. But, hey, what can you do? I think I'm doing well in all of my classes at the moment, and I hope I can keep it that way. Going for a 4.0, unsurprisingly. Next year at this time, I'll be applying for two programs in my major, and each on accepts only 7-13 people per cohort. And if you don't get in the first time, you can't apply again (no pressure or anything). So I need to keep my grades up.

I miss my friends from home so much, but I'm definitely having a great semester thus far. A lot of people I know think I drink like ALLLLLLL the time, which is definitely not true (only like three times a week). But I go to Towson. That's what we do here. And, like I said, I'm keeping on top of my schoolwork, so why not have some fun?

We're trying to find a place to live next year. I'm very excited because I'm so unbelievably sick of living in the dorms. I'm so over it. Although, it's so annoying because Baltimore County policy says that 4 people can't live in a 3 bedroom apartment, and all the apartments here are only up to 3 bedrooms. So, we're going to have to get a house or a townhouse, which, I mean, I'm not mad about. It's just going to be more responsibility.

I'm going to the first Halloween party tonight! College is funny, holiday-themed parties happen two weeks prior to the actual holiday and two weeks after. It's like a month of themed parties. I'm dressing up as a rapper (more specifically, I'm trying to be Tupac, but I don't know if people will get it). I'll post a picture on here soon.

Life is indeed swell for me right now. I'm happy.

catch up

It's time for one of those annoying posts in which I try to catch you up on everything that's been going on since my last post, nearly a month ago.

Summer is over (actually, today is my last day), and I can't believe it. I'm honestly in shock at how quickly this summer progressed, but I think I'm excited to go back to school. Although, it is going to be weird because I'm going to be applying to transfer to some schools behind my friends' backs. I know it sounds selfish- I'm going to a pretty good college in a pretty big city, and my parents are paying for everything. But, I'm still not truly satisfied, so I'm definitely going to try and transfer. We'll see what happens.

Packing is one of my least favorite things, but I think I'm almost finished (FINALLY). I don't like how I feel when I'm packing up all my stuff. It's that awkward time when it's time for me to leave, but I still haven't left yet. I think that's another reason why I'm getting excited to head back to school.

One of my good friends at school is in the A Capella group at Towson, and I'm going to audition for it this year (I'm thinking about singing Bad Religion by Frank Ocean), along with looking into other clubs/organizations. If I do end up transferring next year, I want to be able to say that I gave my current school the best chance that I could.

I'm upset because I haven't seen my best friends to say goodbye, and I don't know if we'll all have time to get together before we leave. Obviously, we'll survive if we don't get a chance to see each other, but it would still be nice.

OK but seriously I need to get back to packing/other misc. things.

well

I'm obviously pretty bad at updating this. I always check up on this site's activity, telling myself that I'll write something one of these times. I never do.

UNTIL NOW!

It's weird that summer is almost kind of over. I feel like it's been such a long/short summer, and I've had some unbelivable times (fell into a creek, saw some dumbass break his neck, etc). Drank lots of alcohol and smoked lots of weed. Isn't it weird realizing that you're killing yourself by being so reckless, yet you really don't care? That's how my summer's been going, for the most part, and I've definitely been OK with it.

Things at home have been...things at home. I've been feeling weird here all summer, and I haven't been able to pinpoint exactly why. Most likely, it's just me going through this burning-passion-to-be-more-independent phase where I'm absolutely aching to be on my own again. Next summer, I want to live at the beach, or at the lake, or in Towson.

School is still a touchy subject. I miss my Towson friends a lot, but not the school. Am I wrong in thinking that this is kind of a big issue? Apparently so. Anyway, at this point, I'm going to try to make the best of it.

Now, it's about 10:30pm, and I'm going to bed because I'm a grandma.

dinner talk creates a knotting stomach

My parents always talk about something BW (my old high school) related. I hate it. Today at dinner, they were talking about BW improvements, which turned into what needs to be done for the students to get into better colleges, which instantly gave me the worst feeling inside. I'm not at the college that I would like to be at (actually, my last choice out of nine schools) due to money reasons and an awful high school academic experience. It's complicated, and I think it's sad the way my life is going right now. I'm unhappily living the alleged "best four years" of my life, but I'm managing. Lately, I've been channeling my energy into getting stuff together to study abroad during the spring 2013 semester (either Scotland or Wales!) and I'm pretty damn thrilled about it. Come junior year, I'll be in an apartment with some of my friends from school, God willing (not religious). I'm hoping things will get better. They have to. I can't keep living like this.

this is probably wrong

I was supposed to work my one job at 10 this morning, but I called off last night because I was really tired. And I have a lot of shit to do today to get ready for vacation, which I'm leaving for around 7 tonight after working my second job. I was only going to be working at my first job from 10-12 today, and the schedule isn't that busy at the salon. Plus, I already took tomorrow off, but offered to work today because I knew I'd be staying in town today because of job #2. I don't really feel bad about taking off job #1, but I probably should. I don't know. This has been the longest week ever, and I just want to leave for vacation and have time to get my shit together. I only would have made $16 from working at the salon today, so it wouldn't be worth my time to go anyway.

currently reading (and, of course, some of my life)

I just finished my online class for school! I'm really glad that it's over, even though I ended up with a B, and after finding out that I apparently skipped a quiz. This is the first B I've ever gotten since eighth grade (not bragging, just emphasizing a point, I think). Oddly enough, it doesn't seem real. I'm not mad...yet. I think the fact that this course was online kind of made me believe that it wasn't real.

But, it was, and it will effect my GPA. I'll get over it.

ANYWAY, I started reading again, which is exciting to me. There are a lot of books that I want to read this summer. I'm starting off with Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte. (Does anyone know how to get a foreign-language-accent-mark like the one that should be above the 'e' in 'Bronte'?) 

I read this during my senior year of high school for AP Literature, and I fell in love with it. My teacher was a hag.5, but her choice of this book was spot on for a teenage audience. So, I wanted to read it first this summer.

Strangely, I'm having a hard time getting through it. It might be because my mind is focusing on a few other things like work and getting ready for vacation on Saturday. Either way, I think the relationship between Heathcliff and Catherine is so intriguing to read. It's a dark, mysterious, and creepy way to describe love and friendship, which are used interchangeably in this book. I'd definitely recommend this book to anyone looking for a solid, classic read.

AND LOOK AT THE COVER ISN'T IT COOL? AND SO AM I.

my life in a fuckin' nutshell

I'll keep this simple:

1. I have skin damage that is twice as bad as the healthy amount. I have almost-skin-cancer. I'm 18.

2. I'm pretty sure I got food poisoning from Denny's last night.

3. I work for 13 hours today.

Today will be dedicated to sulking and feeling sorry for myself. But, hopefully, tomorrow will be better!

something annoying

I don't like it when people brag about their grades. Even if you made the Deans List in college, it's not a huge deal. Way to do your job AS A STUDENT.

HI

Yo, blogging world. I'm Kyle, an 18 year old psychology major, who has uncontrollable eating and complaining tendencies. I made this blog just because I felt like it, and I'm bored as fuck this summer. I have a lot of things going on in my life and in my head, and I felt like this would be a nice way to document various aspects of my life. This is a time of crazy change in my life, filled with constant indecision and angst, and this blog will be one of many changes, I guess (and, I hope.)